


Aiden and Eskel's carpet of Destiny

by Ledgea



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Banter, Cleopatra and Caesar mentioned, Crack, Don't ask me why, Geralt and Eskel are trying to be helpful, Humor, Kidnapping, M/M, My brain is weird, Older Siblings Eskel and Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, They're Zerrikanian historical figures in this one, they're all little shits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28792614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ledgea/pseuds/Ledgea
Summary: Geralt and Eskel are tired of Lambert spending his winters sulking and pining after his Cat.So, as decent older brothers who'd like to make everything better, they decide to track Aiden down in the fall and drag him to Kaer Morhen to gift him to Lambert.And then Eskel shows up with a carpet and decides that he wants to reenact an old Zerrikanian story.A reluctant Aiden ends up playing Cleopatra and Lambert is Caesar.
Relationships: Aiden & Eskel & Geralt, Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Eskel & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Lambert & Vesemir, Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia
Comments: 31
Kudos: 85





	Aiden and Eskel's carpet of Destiny

**Author's Note:**

> This is maybe the crackiest fic I've ever written... I blame my brain and my old history lessons...
> 
> Hope you'll still enjoy my weirdness!!

Geralt has been following Lambert and who he hopes is Aiden for a few days now, when Eskel finally catches up and joins him. He smiles at his lover as he dismounts and lets himself be tugged into a comforting hug.

"Am I late ?", Eskel asks him.

Geralt hums, too busy reacquainting himself with Eskel's scent and nosing along his neck to answer. It's been months since he last saw him and he's missed him so fucking much that he doesn't want to let him go. 

"I missed you too, you know," Eskel comments as he tightens his hold on his body and clings, "But that doesn't mean that I don't want to know if our plan still has a chance of success."

"It's fine, you're on time," Geralt grumbles, "Lambert and his friend are half a day, maybe a day, ahead of us, and they're still together for now."

"Good," Eskel sighs, "They should part ways soon though, right ?"

"Yes. If Lambert doesn't drag him up to the keep himself this year."

Eskel chuckles.

"You have far too much faith in the little gremlin," he says and Geralt has to concede that he's probably right.

For the past five winters, Lambert has been pining after his Cat. Their brother spends his first few weeks home sulking, growling and barely speaking to any of them, before he turns to anger. On the next month, he destroys everything he gets his hands on and they have to be very careful during their spars lest someone loses a finger or worse.

Once Lambert calms down, he usually falls into a state of depression next. His shoulders seem perpetually hunched, he drags his feet, sighs at them, longingly stares at the latest piece of clothing he borrowed from Aiden and bemoans his horrible fate to every ear he comes across, be they willing or not. And then, just before spring, he becomes so excited at the idea of leaving the keep and finding his Cat again that he exhausts them all in a matter of days.

They have to bear Lambert's horrible mood swings for several months, with no means to escape, and Geralt has decided that he has had enough. So last winter, just before leaving the keep, he talked to Eskel and they decided that for their continued peace of mind - and Vesemir's, they musn't forget about Vesemir because they'll have to convince him to allow the Cat to winter with them - they would kidnap Aiden for their brother, if he didn't manage to drag him to Kaer Morhen on his own, and gift Lambert his Cat, hoping to finally be able to enjoy a nice and calm winter.

Hence the reason why he's been following his brother this late in the season. They're already halfway through Kaedwen and Geralt just wonders why Lambert doesn't bring the Cat with him. They're so close to the keep, Geralt wouldn't bother heading south again if he were in the Aiden's shoes.

He tells as much to Eskel in the evening as they set up their camp. His lover agrees with him, but he doesn't have any more insight into Lambert and Aiden's minds than him. So Geralt abandons this trail of thought and starts to hum Jaskier's latest successful song under his breath as he starts a fire. He keeps an eye on Eskel as he works and warily eyes the big rolled up package his lover gets off Scorpion's back and dumps on the floor.

"What is it ?", he asks and nods towards the package.

"A carpet," Eskel answers with a grin.

"Why are you travelling with a _carpet_?"

"I got it with the law of surprise. I saved a penniless noble lad and he didn't have anything to pay me with. So I asked for the law of surprise and when we arrived at his ruin of a manor, we learned that his aunt had passed away and that his heritage was a wagon full of carpets. And being such an upstanding witcher, I only took one."

"I would have liked to watch you drag a wagon full of carpets up the path to Kaer Morhen," Geralt snorts.

"I would have done a marvelous job out of it," Eskel replies and sticks his nose up in the air as he winks at Geralt.

"If you say so," Geralt smiles and shakes his head, "Why did you take it in the first place ? Carpet's useless."

"Hey ! Don't diss my carpet of Destiny !"

They stare at each other in silence for a few seconds, before they start to chuckle. Geralt waits until they're lying down, their limbs tightly intertwined to ask about the carpet again.

“What are you planning to do with your carpet of Destiny, then ?”

“Well...,” Eskel dithers and squirms under Geralt's body.

“What ?”, Geralt asks with a grin, “You got an idea, what is it ?”

“I was thinking about rolling someone into it actually,” Eskel mumbles.

Geralt furrows his brows and takes a few seconds to think about it before speaking.

“Lambert ?”, he wonders.

“No !” Eskel exclaims in a huff, “I don't want to have to wrestle him into the carpet ! That would be a nightmare.”

“Vesemir ?”

“Why would I want to roll _Vesemir_ into my carpet ?”

“I don't know,” Geralt whines, “It's not me, is it ? I didn't do anything to upset you !”

“It's not you,” Eskel sighs and tightens his hold on Geralt's waist, “It's Aiden.”

Geralt closes his eyes and tries to sort through the million questions that he wants to ask. He settles for a simple _why_ , which he feels conveys his confusion quite well.

“It's stupid,” Eskel mutters, “But I wanted to get back at Lambert for being an annoying prick during the last few years and I heard this strange Zerrikanian tale about a queen and a carpet. It seemed funny to try to replicate it.”

“You know that I'll have your back no matter what, right ?”, Geralt says and pats Eskel's body until he catches one of his hands in his to squeeze, “And I'm always ready to get one over Lambert, but do you really want to take the risk of upsetting Aiden over it ? We don't know him, he might take your idea badly.”

“It's not a mean trick,” Eskel explains, “We just roll Aiden up into the carpet and then watch Lambert's confused face as we announce that we're gifting him said carpet. And you know how he is with gifts, right ?”

“Oh, yes,” Geralt nods and shivers.

Lambert is a nightmare with gifts. He doesn't know how to accept them and either grows angry, because he feels like he's being mocked, or suspiciously glares at you, because he thinks that you're trying to bribe him or buy his affection.

“So we watch him work himself into a tizzy over a damn carpet until he's ready to blow up and then we unfold it in front of him so that Aiden ends up sprawled at his feet like some tasty offering. Perfect gift !”

“You're weird,” Geralt comments.

“Lambert destroyed your favorite pitchfork last year,” Eskel points out, “You're allowed to want to annoy him a bit in return.”

“Fine,” Geralt yields, it had been a nice pitchfork, good for mucking out the stables, “We just need to get the Cat to cooperate then.”

“Well... It's two against one. We'll get him to cooperate one way or the other.”

“Now you're just being creepy,” Geralt points out.

“It's for a good cause !”

“Never said it wasn't, just maybe try to convince Aiden to play along, before choosing to wrestle him into your carpet.”

“Sure,” Eskel agrees and then yawns, “But he's ending into that carpet anyway. I didn't lug it all the way here for nothing.”

“I thought that it was your _carpet of Destiny_?”, Geralt comments drily.

“Yes and its destiny is to have a cat witcher rolled up in it so that we can dump him at Lambert's feet and then enjoy a peaceful winter. See, everything fits !”

“Perfectly,” Geralt snorts and yawns too, “We should rest now, have to keep tracking them tomorrow.”

“Whatever you say, Wolf,” he agrees, “Night.”

“Night,” Geralt mumbles and snuggles against Eskel's chest.

* * *

During the next few days, Geralt keeps tracking Lambert and his friend, makes sure that they're always travelling a safe distance away from them so as not to get caught and Eskel dutifully follows him. And finally, five days after Eskel found him, they happen upon a lonely sulking witcher sitting on a log next to a fire.

They are looking to make their own camp too, the night quickly falling, when they spot the fire not too far away. Geralt takes the time to do some reconnaissance and makes sure Lambert isn't accompanying the other witcher anymore, before he approaches the man. 

The witcher startles when he spots him and eyes him warily as he slowly draws near. His features are contorted into an impressive scowl, that he doesn't lose when faced with Geralt, and they nod at each other as they take each other in.

"Room for two more ?", Geralt asks and deliberately looks at the fire.

"Two ?", the witcher asks.

The other man clearly isn't feeling at ease, he's staring at the forest, probably trying to catch sight of Eskel, and his right hand is twitching next to a dagger. So Geralt hums and keeps his distance for now.

"My brother's coming along too."

"Well, the fire is big enough to share," he concedes, defeated.

"Are you Aiden ?", Geralt then asks, because they probably need to make sure they kidnap the right witcher before they act.

The man flinches and he curls his right hand around his dagger's hilt. His body is tense and Geralt is sure that he's ready to flee if he makes one wrong move.

"Depends who's asking."

"Geralt," he answers and smiles, "So you _are_ Lambert's Aiden."

"And you're Lambert's Geralt ?"

Geralt grimaces at being called Lambert's – that is such a weird thought – but he nods anyway.

"Oh. Then yes, I'm Aiden. Feel free to take a seat."

"Thanks," Geralt says.

He takes a few minutes to make sure Roach is comfortable, before he goes back towards the fire and sits down next to Aiden. The Cat is slightly more relaxed than before, but he still seems a bit troubled by Geralt's presence at his side.

Geralt is left wondering how to broach the subject of Kaer Morhen with Aiden, when Eskel finally joins them. He nods at them, dumps his carpet on the ground and settles Scorpion next to Roach.

"Did we find the right witcher ?", Eskel asks him as he makes his way towards them.

"Yep," Geralt answers, feeling quite pleased.

"So you were looking for me," Aiden mutters and gets up, "Are you planning to gut me and throw my body into a shallow ditch for the animals to feast upon ?"

Geralt doesn't even know what to answer to that so he stupidly blinks at Aiden, who's standing a little ways away trying to keep the both of them in his line of sight.

"Geralt !", Eskel exclaims and points at Aiden, "What did you tell him ? You moron !"

"Nothing !", Geralt defends himself, "Do I look like an asshole who likes to scare strangers for fun to you ?"

"Then who put these stupid ideas into his head ?"

"He seems old enough to be able to develop his own foolish ideas," Geralt points out as Eskel glares at him.

"Fine," he says and turns towards Aiden, "Get those fucking moronic ideas out of your head. We're not here to kill you."

“Then what are you here for ?”

“To talk,” Eskel says.

“About ?”, Aiden asks slowly and longingly looks behind him at the forest.

“Take a seat, will you,” Eskel tells him and crosses his arms over his chest, waiting for the Cat to cooperate.

“You better listen to him,” Geralt offers, “He's a stubborn bastard, won't say another word until you're sitting down.”

“ _You_ could answer my questions then,” Aiden mullishly points out.

“I'm shit at explaining things,” Geralt answers and shrugs, “Come on, sit, we don't mean you any harm.”

“Fine,” Aiden grunts and carefully sits back at the other end of the log, “Now, talk. What do you want with me ?”

“Lambert is an utter nightmare during the winter months,” Eskel says, “Because he's missing you.”

“That's not true,” Aiden splutters.

The Cat stares at Eskel and then at Geralt, looking like he's waiting for one of them to announce that they're joking. Geralt can only nod commiseratingly and creeps closer to Aiden until he can gently pat his shoulder.

“Definitely the truth,” Eskel contradicts him, “He spends months pining after you, alternating between anger and depression, before he becomes so elated at the idea that he'll get to see you soon again that he becomes scary.”

“What do you want me to say then ?”, Aiden defensively asks, “He's his own person and he's allowed to have feelings, even if you Wolves mostly seem allergic to them.”

“We don't care about the feelings,” Eskel groans, “We care that he's a mess though.”

“Did he ever invite you to come spend the winter with him at Kaer Morhen ?”, Geralt asks Aiden.

The Cat fidgets, blushes and ducks his head. He wrings his hands and stays stubbornly silent. Geralt looks at Eskel and he smirks as his brother rolls his eyes.

“Okay, so he did,” Eskel sighs, “Then why didn't you ever show your face at the keep ?”

“Shut up,” Aiden mumbles.

“No. Do you know what you forced us to _endure_?”, Eskel dramatically insists.

“And do you think about what _I_ 'd have to endure were I to arrive at _your_ keep and ask for shelter ? You'd laugh at me and throw me out !”, Aiden exclaims and stands up to face Eskel.

“We wouldn't !”, Eskel sputters, “Or are you missing the fact that we _want_ you to come with us ?”

“Vesemir might,” Geralt softly comments, because he feels like Aiden sort of has a point here.

“ _Not helpful, Geralt_ ,” Eskel says through gritted teeth.

“And even if you agreed to house me for the winter, then what ? I'd have to spend months on end around people who despise me and be fucking careful about everything I'd say or do !”

“Okay, we're done here,” Eskel groans, “I'm not listening to anymore of your bullshit. We want you there, Lambert wants you there, Vesemir wants you there even if he doesn't know it yet...”

“And Aiden wants to be there,” Geralt adds, “You should have seen his dejected face when I arrived, definitely pining too.”

“... So you're coming with us. And I promise that everything will be fine.”

“I don't want to,” Aiden mutters petulantly.

“Too bad,” Eskel says, “We're kidnapping your stupid ass and you're coming with us.”

“You better agree to it,” Geralt cautions him with a smile, “Or he'll sit on you all night long to prevent you from running away.”

“Ugh. Fine, then, fine,” Aiden growls and raises his arms to the sky, “Far be it from me to stand in your way.”

“Perfect,” Eskel rumbles, takes a step closer and puts an arm around Aiden's shoulders to steer him towards the log, “You won't regret it.”

“Piss off,” Aiden mutters.

The Cat shrugs Eskel's arm off his shoulders and sits back down. He turns his face towards the fire and moodily stares at it. _Worse brooder than you_ , Eskel mouths at him and Geralt flips him off. He then rummages through his pockets looking for something that might cheer him up.

“Chicken sandwich ?”, Geralt asks and offers one to Aiden, because chicken sandwiches make everything better.

“ _Piss off_ ,” Aiden grunts without even looking at him.

“Fuck, it feels like we're travelling with a constipated Lambert,” Eskel comments.

Geralt happily munches on his sandwich and sadly has to concede that Eskel is right. He has a feeling their journey will be a long and horrendous one.

* * *

Geralt is glad to note that he's mostly mistaken about the journey ahead of them turning out to be difficult. They travel slowly so as to not catch up to Lambert, who's on foot and probably only has a day on them, and they take the time to get to know each other.

Aiden tries to run only once, at dusk on the second day, and he offers them such a good chase that Eskel doesn't even chastise him for trying to flee. Eskel still sits on the Cat for an hour in the evening and only lets him go after Aiden swears not to run away again. He keeps his promise and Geralt catches him wistfully looking north towards the mountains for a few minutes every evening after his escape attempt and he knows that he feels lonely, badly pines after Lambert and that he's finally accepted his fate.

Apart from that one incident, Aiden is rather nice. He likes hunting, possesses two small jars of spices he's agreed to share with them that Geralt will try to convince him to wager in a bet during the winter and he knows exactly when to make himself scarce if Geralt wants to share a few moments alone with Eskel, which is already more than he can say for Lambert.

He still has some quirks they soon discover and try to navigate around or ignore as they see fit. Aiden is clearly _not_ a morning person and it takes forever to lure him out of his bedroll and then they have to wait for him to drink his tea, before they can hope to have some decent conversation with him. And in the evenings, he gets fucking excited. He has to do some stretches, usually climbs a tree or two and when he finally deigns to join his bedroll, his feet tap out a rhythm until he falls asleep.

Geralt doesn't really understand how Lambert can bear to travel with Aiden for extended periods of time and he's so glad when they reach the last portion of the trail leading up to the keep and Kaer Morhen comes into view. Soon they'll be home, he'll be able to hog Eskel for a few days and Aiden will be safely delivered into Lambert's arms. But first his lover insists they roll the Cat up in the damn carpet.

He and Eskel spend some time in the evenings of their last week of travel hissing at each other, trying to plan the best way to get the Cat into the carpet and not send him running back down the trail. Aiden clearly knows something is up and suspiciously glares at them for a few minutes every night before going to sleep, but he doesn't ask. Eskel usually ignores him and Geralt gently smiles at him like they don't plan at all to make a sandwich out of him in a few days.

Everything comes to a head as the keep looms over them and hides them in its shadow one afternoon. They're maybe a quarter of an hour away from the gates, when Eskel stops in the middle of the road, gets his carpet off Scorpion's back and unrolls it in the middle of the road, making sure to avoid the few snow patches in his way.

"What is he doing ?", Aiden asks him, bewildered, as he comes to a stop next to Geralt and peers at Eskel.

"He's airing out his carpet of Destiny," Geralt answers, mock-serious.

" _Now_ ?", Aiden gasps and then grumbles, "We're freezing our asses off here and he needs to play with his carpet _now_? Can't it wait half an hour until we're at the keep ?"

"Quarter of an hour," Geralt corrects him absently, "We're almost there."

“Which just means that it could very well wait ! It's not like the carpet's going to disappear on us. It's a _carpet_!”, Aiden rants.

"Okay, it's done," Eskel says as he joins them, "I got all the little stones out of the carpet and it's ready."

"For what ?", Aiden asks.

"For you," Eskel answers blithely, "You're spending the last stretch of the trail rolled up into the carpet."

"What ? No !", Aiden says and takes a few careful steps back, "Geralt ! Tell him no !"

Geralt takes a hold of the back of Aiden's cloak and keeps him at his side. He offers him a smile and gently drags him towards Eskel.

"Yes," he says, "Eskel wants you into that carpet, so you'll end up into that carpet."

"So that you can throw me down the mountainside ?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Eskel mutters, "If we wanted to kill you, we wouldn't have bothered to drag you up here first, we would have done it sooner."

"Then why ?", Aiden whines and warily eyes the carpet.

"Because we're playing Cleopatra and Caesar," Eskel smugly answers.

"Who ?", Aiden asks.

"Cleopatra was a Zerrikanian queen. She asked to be delivered at Caesar's feet into a carpet."

"Why would she do that ?", Aiden asks, “That seems so impractical.”

"Caesar was a conqueror, she wanted to have a private meeting with him and needed a way to bypass the guards. Hence the carpet."

"Sure, seems legit," Aiden says and Geralt snorts at his sarcastic answer, he's sure he didn't believe one word that got out of Eskel's mouth, "That still doesn't explain why you want to reenact the scene now. With _me_ no less !"

"Because it'll be fun," Eskel answers and shrugs, "Simple as that."

"So be a good kitten and go lie down at the end of the carpet," Geralt says and gently pushes him forward.

"Fuck you," Aiden growls.

He then takes one small step forward, before quickly sidestepping Eskel and bolting up the trail. Eskel swears, Geralt sighs and they give chase to their wayward guest.

Aiden is slippery, deftly turning left or right to avoid getting caught and steadily gaining meters on them, before he stumbles on some hidden roots and falls down with a surprised curse.

They're probably just lucky Aiden doesn't know how to navigate the trail yet and they manage to catch up to him as he's struggling to free his ankle from a stubborn root still clinging to him. He mutters and glares at them, and just when he finally frees himself, Geralt smiles and sits on his stomach. Aiden falls to his back with an audible _ooof_ and Eskel joins them to loom over him.

"Anything broken ?", Eskel asks him.

"Maybe ?", Aiden answers as he looks up at them with a calculating gaze.

Geralt hums and starts to pat him down. He's fairly sure Aiden is fine, but he still checks, not wanting to be subjected to Lambert's ire if they deliver his lover to him injured. That would probably be bad for their health in the long run.

Aiden squeaks and flails as Geralt manhandles his limbs, finding nothing alarming, and Eskel chuckles at him.

"You know," Eskel muses, "I remember stumbling upon those roots when I was just a pup."

" _Shut up_ ," Aiden grouches, "No need to make the situation more humiliating than it already is. And you ! Will you just leave my damn ankle alone ?"

"He's fine," Geralt decreeds, "Nothing's broken."

Eskel nods and Geralt stands up. Aiden mulishly glares at them from his spot on the ground and crosses his arms over his chest, refusing to get up. Geralt grins at him and he shares _a look_ with Eskel.

They both nod, bend down and take a hold of one of Aiden's arms each to drag him back up. He fights them, kicks and wiggles and makes a pain of himself, but it doesn't prevent them from dragging him back towards his Destiny. 

They find the carpet exactly where they left it and dump Aiden at one end of it. Geralt then wrestles his swords and boots away from him and ruffles his hair as he gets up.

“Not my boots !”, Aiden whines.

“Yes, show Lambert those nice ankles,” Eskel grins, “I heard that it's supposed to drive men mad with desire.”

“You could also loosen some of your shirt's ties,” Geralt adds, “Maybe show off a shoulder.”

“Who do you take _me_ for ?”, Aiden grumbles and very pointedly does not heed their advice.

“You're supposed to be a suprise, a nice surprise, and not look like...,” Eskel explains and points at Aiden's everything with a grimace.

“Look like I just spent a long year killing monsters for ungrateful assholes ? Look like a bedraggled scarecrow ?”, Aiden drily finishes his sentence for him.

“Yes !”, Eskel exclaims and then winces as Aiden glares at him and Geralt elbows him in the gut.

“What Eskel means,” Geralt intervenes, “Is that you could make a small effort to look more appealing. Lambert will appreciate it.”

“Yes, you're supposed to be a treat, you need to look _tasty_ ,” Eskel adds.

"You're fucking weirdoes," Aiden mutters.

"Sure, if it makes you feel better," Eskel snorts.

“And I'm not undressing to fulfill your disturbing fantasies,” Aiden says, “It's freezing and if you're not satisfied, feel free to take my place.”

“Spoilsport,” Geralt whispers.

“Well if you don't want to make an effort, I'm confiscating your socks,” Eskel grumbles, “At the very least it'll bring out your ankles.”

Geralt rolls his eyes but still ends up helping Eskel to wrestle Aiden's socks off him. The Cat almost gives him a black eye and Eskel barely escapes having some of his fingers broken, but they prevail and Geralt really hopes Lambert will thank them for all the trouble they're getting into to bring him his Cat. And once the socks are off and Aiden is distracted, whining about the cold, Eskel tries to get his hands on the Cat's shirt's ties.

“Touch my shirt and I'll scream loud enough they'll hear me up at the keep,” Aiden threatens, “See if my presence stays a surprise for much longer then !”

Eskel glares but backs off and Geralt snorts at them from next to Roach where he's cramming Aiden's socks and boots into the Cat's bags.

"Fine, but you better show off those ankles then,” Eskel mutters, “Now will you behave and shut up or do we need to gag and tie you up ?"

"Because you want me to shut up too ?", Aiden asks, aghast.

"You're supposed to be a surprise !", Eskel exclaims, "You can't be a surprise if you start talking and Lambert hears you."

"What will you do if I won't shut up ?", Aiden asks suspiciously.

"I'm gagging you," Eskel threatens.

"You might also find some muddy snow coming your way," Geralt adds with a grin, "Crammed into the carpet too. Ending up in your _hair_."

"You're the worst," Aiden grumbles as he pats his black locks, the ones they've learned he cherishes so much.

"So what will it be ?", Eskel asks him, "The hard way or the easy one ?"

"I hate you," Aiden groans, " _B_ _oth_ of you."

"Love you too," Geralt snorts.

Aiden takes a few seconds to scowl at them and flip them off, before he lies down at the end of the carpet. He and Eskel then hurry to roll him up before he changes his mind and then argue about who's going to carry him the rest of the way.

Geralt wins this round on the account of it being Eskel's idea and Eskel's carpet of Destiny and Eskel's story he's trying to reenact. So Geralt feels rather smug as he goes up the path leading both of their horses by their reins with Eskel following him, carrying a slightly wiggling and sometimes cursing carpet.

"Will you just shut up," Eskel hisses at Aiden as they reach the keep's gates.

"Are we there yet ? Because I'm freezing," Aiden whines, "My toes are turning into icicles."

"Stop being so dramatic," Eskel orders him, "And stop moving ! I swear you're going on a diet for the next few months, you're heavy !"

"Fuck you," Aiden curses, "You were the one insisting I get rolled up into the carpet. You can fucking deal with it !"

Geralt looks behind him as he finally reaches the gates and hurries to turn his head back forward lest he starts laughing at Eskel's scowl. He knows that his lover is still probably glaring at his back and he does his best to ignore him, because Aiden isn't wrong, Eskel can only blame himself for the situation he's in.

By the time Eskel joins him, Vesemir is making his way towards them and raises the gates so that they can enter the keep's courtyard. He welcomes them, lets the gates fall back down behind them and then stares at Eskel and his carpet.

“Why are you carrying a carpet ?”, he asks Eskel, clearly taken aback at the sight of it.

“It's his carpet of Destiny,” Geralt answers for his lover with a grin.

Vesemir raises an eyebrow at Geralt, turns back to Eskel and can't quite tear his gaze away from the carpet.

“Why is it wiggling then ?”, he wonders again.

“It's a gift for Lambert,” Eskel grins as Aiden lets out a loud sneeze.

“Do I want to know ?”, Vesemir sighs.

“You're going to want to see this,” Eskel promises him, “Now, where's Lambert ? The damn carpet is getting kind of heavy.”

“ _Fuck you_ ,” the carpet mutters back and Geralt snorts as Vesemir pinches the bridge of his nose.

“He's inside, hasn't left the kitchen since he arrived four days ago,” Vesemir answers, “He's sulking, drinking and moaning about missing his Cat again.”

“Perfect,” Eskel says and then yells, “Lambert ! Come the fuck out, you little gremlin, we've got a gift for you !”

As is expected from a sulking Lambert, he doesn't come out. He doesn't even answer them and Geralt heads inside to fetch him. He has to pry a bottle of vodka out of his hands, pats him down and straightens his clothes, smoothes his hair back and when he looks halfway decent, he pushes him out. Lambert drags his feet, rants at him and tries to elbow him in the stomach, so Geralt wounds an arm around his shoulders to steer him in the right direction.

“What do you want ?”, their little brother grunts at Eskel.

“We brought you a gift,” Eskel grins and nods at the carpet he's still carrying.

“Don't want it,” Lambert says and turns back around.

“Oh, no, you don't,” Geralt growls.

He catches Lambert's arm, turns him back towards Eskel and keeps a tight hold on him to prevent him from fleeing.

“What do you want ?”, Lambert asks and narrows his eyes at Eskel, “I already told you that I'm not sharing my last two bottles of fifteen year old White Gull with you.”

“We're not trying to bribe you,” Geralt sighs and slaps the back of his head, “And we're not making fun of you either. So shut up, watch and don't forget to say thank you.”

“For what ?”, Lambert grumbles, “A ratty carpet ?”

Eskel squeaks in outrage and glares as Vesemir chuckles next to them.

“ _Do not diss my carpet of Destiny_!”, Eskel hisses.

Lambert shrugs and motions for Eskel to hurry up and proceed. He's definitely less worked up than what they expected, but he's so moody, Geralt nods at his lover to carry on, knowing that keeping Lambert's attentin when he's wallowing in self-pity is always difficult, and watches as Eskel gently deposits the carpet on the ground. The carpet sneezes once again, much to Geralt's amusement, and Lambert perks up at his side.

Eskel winks at them and slowly begins to unfold his carpet. He's being gentle, makes sure not to jostle Aiden too much and passes in front of Vesemir who's curiously looking on the proceedings. He's slowly edging closer to them and Geralt takes a step away from Lambert to be able to look upon him fully as Aiden is revealed.

The first part of the Cat they get to see is a slender foot sticking out of the carpet – showing those ankles ! - just as there's probably only two more rolls left before Aiden is free. Then there's a leg and a hand, which seems to catch Lambert's attention, until finally Eskel pushes one last time and Aiden is entirely revealed.

Aiden ends up sprawled at Lambert's feet like a lovely offering ready to be consumed and Geralt is feeling smug as his little brother seems to be stunned by the display. Then the damn Cat suddenly moans pitifully and raises tears filled eyes towards Lambert and Geralt's smugness quickly evaporates.

“Aiden,” Lambert whispers, definitely sounding concerned.

He goes down to his knees next to Aiden, places one of his hands on his forehead and gently supports his back as the Cat dry heaves. Geralt looks at Eskel and wonders what the fuck happened. Eskel didn't rough Aiden up, has made sure to carry him gently, didn't kick him or let him fall and he hurries at his lover's side, wanting to make sure Lambert doesn't lash out at them and wondering how to fix things.

“What the fuck did you do to him ?”, Lambert snarls at them.

“Nothing,” Eskel splutters, “He was fine before !”

“And now he's retching, you assholes ! If I find out that you laid one single finger on him, you'll regret it !”

“We didn't,” Geralt hurries to back Eskel up, “We just wanted to bring him to you, to stop you from sulking. We didn't touch him !”

“Fuck off,” Lambert growls and then turns to Aiden, “Come on, I'll carry you inside. I'll take care of you, you'll be fine in no time at all, you'll see.”

“Lambert, I'm cold,” Aiden pitifully whines and rubs his bare feet together.

“Give me your fucking cloaks !”, he orders them and they're quick to comply.

He tightly wraps Geralt's cloak around Aiden's feet and Eskel's around Aiden's body. He then uses one of its ends to wipe the Cat's mouth and Eskel lets out a small disgusted sound as Geralt can't stop staring at what has become of his beautiful fur-lined heavy cloak. He wants to _weep_. Lambert glares at them and Eskel ducks his head, so Geralt steps closer to him and tries to offer him some comfort, because they really didn't do anything wrong.

Lambert doesn't address them anymore and devotes all of his attention to Aiden, to whom he's whispering soft reassurances. He bends down, wounds his arms around the Cat's body, one under his knees, the other supporting his back, before he stands up and makes his way towards the keep, his charge safely cradled in his arms.

Aiden rests his head on Lambert's shoulder and his eyes twinkle as he's being carried away. The devious little asshole is looking straight at them over Lambert's shoulder and he has the gall to wink at them and stick his tongue out, before they disappear into the keep. It takes only a few seconds for Geralt to realize that they've been had.

Vesemir waits until Lambert and Aiden have vanished to laugh at them and Geralt can't stop growling as Eskel fiercely glares at the door their little brother and his lover disappeared through.

“I like him,” Vesemir decides, “He'll fit right in with all of you assholes.”

“What the fuck just happened ?”, Eskel asks out loud, “I'm going to make the little shit regret that damn stunt so much !”

“You'll do nothing,” Vesemir contradicts him in between chuckles, “He just got one over you and Lambert will be upset for the next few days, so you'll do your best to apologize and grovel until everything is back to normal and your brother calms down.”

“Apologize for what ?”, Geralt groans, “We didn't do anything wrong ! Aiden's a filthy liar, he's fine !”

“And who do you think Lambert will believe after you unceremoniously dumped Aiden at his feet, out of a carpet no less ? You or him ?”, Vesemir sensibly points out.

“Crap,” Eskel curses.

“Fuck,” Geralt adds, “Can I blame everything on Eskel ?”

He knows that the next few days are going to be rough, especially if Aiden insists on continuing to play at being sick. He's more than ready to shift all the blame to Eskel if it gets him out of grovelling at _Lambert's_ feet and asking for his damn forgiveness for something they didn't even do in the first place.

“Asshole,” Eskel curses him and punches him in the ribs.

“What ? It was your idea and your carpet of Destiny,” Geralt reminds him.

“You agreed to it !”

“To make you happy !”

“Liar ! You were looking forward to the good laugh too !”

“Pups,” Vesemir sighs, “I don't care about what you'll do, but you better not anger Lambert any further or I'm getting involved, got it ?”

They both nod slowly and duck their head, once again feeling like pups getting scolded for a stupid prank they pulled in their youths. Geralt hadn't missed that feeling at all.

“Good,” Vesemir says, “Now unload those poor horses, do _not_ tamper with Aiden's belongings and make sure to bring them to him quickly, lest Lambert accuses you of theft and starts throwing daggers left and right. And make sure to look well chastised when you go see them. It should placate them enough for us to enjoy a calm evening.”

Vesemir waits for their agreement, before he squeezes their shoulders and heads back towards the keep, a few chuckles still escaping him here and there. Geralt shakes his head, looks at both of their horses, laden with supplies and their belongings, that they'd been looking forward to have some help to unload, and then at Eskel, who's muttering imprecations under his breath, and he groans.

He's never going to listen to one of Eskel's stupid ideas ever again, he's going to be very careful about pranking Aiden in the future and he's going to burn that stupid carpet – Destiny be damned – as soon as possible. It doesn't deserve another fate anyway.


End file.
